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Where do baseball players get their new uniforms?
New Jersey
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What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
Nothing, they just waved!
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Is it serious when zombies have trouble with their home?
Yes, it’s a grave problem!
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Carol: Someone called you an owl!
Jacob: Who? Who?
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Now on the hills I hear the thunder mutter...
Nearer and nearer rolls the thunder-clap,-
You can hear the quick heart of the tempest beat....
Look! look! that livid flash!
And instantly follows the rattling thunder,
As if some cloud-crag, split asunder,
Fell, splintering with a ruinous crash,
On the Earth, which crouches in silence under;
And now a solid gray wall of rain
Shuts off the landscape, mile by mile...
~James Russell Lowell, "Summer Storm," 1839
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(*_*) - Healthy Proverbs
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
4. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
5. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
6. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
7. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
9. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
10. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
11. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
13. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
14. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
15. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
16. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
17. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
20. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
21. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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Puns are a rare medium well done.
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“Turning into a vampire is like signing a supernatural contract and like any contract, there are clauses.
And there is the fine print.”
― Cyma Rizwaan Khan, V-DAY - Definitely NOT a Fairy-Tale
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“Can you row?" the Sheep asked, handing her a pair of knitting-needles as she spoke.
"Yes, a little--but not on land--and not with needles--" Alice was beginning to say.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
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