Jokes and stuff

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The phone rings at DEA headquarters. "Hello?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor.

He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, DEA agents descend on the neighbor's house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house.

Hey, Adrian, did the DEA come?"

"Yep."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

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(😊) - My Inconclusive Travel Plans

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country it was in. It's an age thing.

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“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.” 

― Jim Henson

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“Housework can kill you if done right.”

― Erma Bombeck

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“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.” 

― Jarod Kintz

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“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.” 

― Groucho Marx

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What did the shy pebble wish?

That she was a little bolder.

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“He said he would come in,' the White Queen went on, `because he was looking for a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there wasn't such a thing in the house, that morning.'

Is there generally?' Alice asked in an astonished tone.

Well, only on Thursdays,' said the Queen.”

― Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There

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