Jokes and stuff

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top 100 jokes:

What do you call a large dog that meditates?

A: Aware wolf.

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OFFICER: "Stop! You're under arrest for stealing encyclopedias from the library."

JIM: "Wait! I can explain everything."

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(*_*) Two New Dogs

A girl was visiting her friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. 

The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. 

Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the friend. 'They're watch dogs'!

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(😊) - My Job Search

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it-mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally gota job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

PS: I am still job hunting. Any suggestions?

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“If you're going to make a science fiction movie, then have a hover craft chase, for heaven's sake.” 

― Joss Whedon

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“A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.” 

― Mary Karr

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“I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?” 

― Ronald Reagan

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing... (Thorough.)

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What's the difference between a Tuna and a piano?

You can tune a piano, but you cannot piano a Tuna.

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You see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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“Strong isn't about not being afraid, Caitlin. It's about facing what you're scared of.”

― Lindsay J. Pryor, Blood Shadows 

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