Jokes and stuff

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A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper.

The doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

He says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It's scary. She starts off mildly annoyed about something then keeps getting more and more upset until she's in a fury!"

The doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting annoyed, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

He says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

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There was an older couple that went to the doctors together. The husband went in first and told  the doctor "I'm worried about my wife. I think she's loosing her hearing, but I don't want to get her upset about it. What can I do to find out how bad her hearing is?" 

The doctor said "Well, when you go home ask her something from a distance. Find out if she can hear you. Get a little bit closer, ask her again, see if she can hear you. And then let me know how close you have to be to her for her to finally hear you and then I can determine how bad her hearing is." 

That evening they were home and the wife was in the kitchen cooking  dinner. 

The husband stood in the living room and asks  "Honey, whats for dinner?" 

No reaction, she's still cooking. 

He gets a little bit closer, "Honey, what's for dinner?" 

Still no reaction. 

He gets to the kitchen doorway. He asks her again in a louder voice this time. "Honey, whats for dinner?" 

Still, no reaction. 

He comes up right behind her and says again. "Honey, whats for dinner?" 

She turns around and says, "For heavens sake! Meatloaf, green beans and boiled potatoes, I told you four times already!"

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“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.” 

― Dick Francis

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“Well that's it: if you don't think, you shouldn't talk!”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

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