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How does the moon get his hair cut?
Eclipse it!
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How does the sea like its hair?
Wavy!
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What did the mouse say to the elephant?
Squeak!
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(*_*) - Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn!!
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
3.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
4.) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5.) Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
6.) You should not confuse your career with your life.
7.) No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8.) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution & is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
9.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10.) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
11.) Never lick a steak knife.
12.) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.”
― Reba McEntire
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What did the porcupine say when he looked in the mirror?
Looking sharp!
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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“I dare say you never even spoke to Time!"
"Perhaps not," Alice cautiously replied; "but I know I have to beat time when I listen to music."
"Ah! That accounts for it," said the Hatter. "He won't stand a beating. Now, if only you kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you like with the clock.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
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