Jokes and stuff

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A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. 

The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. 

The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there but in the bathroom.

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The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room because they are updating the convent. The nuns try to figure out how to accomplish this without getting any paint on their new habits. 

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our habits off, fold them up, and lock the door. Then we can paint without getting our habits spattered."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice paint job ladies. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks... Does Boston stop at this train?

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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs? 

A condescending con descending.

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