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“Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.”
― Lena Dunham
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How do comets greet each other?
Pleased to meteor!
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How do cows disguise themselves?
With moo-staches!
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How do dogs stop the music?
They press the paws button!
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“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.”
― Sam Levenson
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Diagnostic: To pass away without knowing if there is a God.
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Chuck was driving his car home one day when one of the tires went flat. He stopped at a garage and found an attendant that would plug the leak and pump up the tire.
"That will be $50," said the attendant when he was finished.
"That's too much for pumping up my tire!" cried Chuck. "Last time I had this problem I was only charged ten bucks!"
The attendant replied, "Inflation, my good man, inflation!"
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"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long."
- Rorschach, The Watchmen
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