Jokes and stuff

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How do you know if there’s an elephant in your fridge? 

The door won’t shut! 

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How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens? 

Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!?

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How do you know the sea is glad to see you? 

It waves!

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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.” 

― Jerry Seinfeld

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“The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.” 

― Anne Lamott

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A duck and a chicken were standing by the side of the road. The duck started to cross the road but the chicken stopped him.

"Don't do it," the chicken said, "You'll never hear the end of it."

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The reason we hate a liar is not his immorality, but his

gall in thinking we'd believe him.

- Charles P. Curtis

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The reason we hate a liar is not his immorality, but his

gall in thinking we'd believe him.

- Charles P. Curtis

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"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but rather, 'hmm... that's funny...'"

- Isaac Asimov

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“How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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