Jokes and stuff

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Books to the ceiling,

Books to the sky,

My pile of books are a mile high.

How I love them! How I need them!

I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

~ Arnold Lobel

 (My PS.) 

I filled up my Kindle 

I filled up my Nooks

I have a cloud somewhere 

With thousands of book

Since my collection went online

I add more books all the time

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IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.

AT WORK....You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.

AT WORK....You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK....You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK....You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK....You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...You get your own toilet.

AT WORK....You have to share.

IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK....You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...There are wardens who are often sadistic.

AT WORK....They are called supervisors.

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The Marine Drill Instructor noticed a new recruit and barked at him, `Get your butt over here ! What's your name?"

"Steve," the new recruit replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart hipster bull they're teaching in boot camp today, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the sergeant scowled. 

"It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my recruits by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker. 

I am to be referred to only as `Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir, Sergeant!"

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"

The recruit sighed "Darling, My name is Steve Darling."

"Okay, Steve, here's what I want you to do ....."

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Why do Lawyers wear boxers? 

Because they can't wear their briefs!

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“There's a Polar Bear

In our Frigidaire--

He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.

With his seat in the meat

And his face in the fish

And his big hairy paws

In the buttery dish,

He's nibbling the noodles,

And munching the rice,

He's slurping the soda,

He's licking the ice.

And he lets out a roar

If you open the door.

And it gives me a scare

To know he's in there--

That Polary Bear

In our Fridgitydaire.” 

― Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic

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