Jokes and stuff

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“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?” 

― Steven Wright

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*?*) - Engineering Position

Joe, an older job applicant, applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. 

Frank, cocky and fresh from school, applied for the same job. Both applicants, having the same degrees, were asked to take a test by the manager. They went back to employee lounge to fill out their test forms.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. 

The manager went to Frank and said: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give Joe the job." 

Frank asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. Just because I have piercings and tattoes doesn't mean I shouldn't get the job!" 

The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed." 

Frank then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" 

The manager replied: "Frank, its like this. On question #4 Joe put down; "I don't know." You put down, "Neither do I."

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A little boy was in a aunt's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). 

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. 

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. 

When asked what he was doing, the boy sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

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“Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.” 

― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

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“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.” 

― Cory Doctorow

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What was the camel with no hump named?

Humphrey.

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