Jokes and stuff

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The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable: through the embracing of one of its beings. 

~Martin Buber

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Doctor, doctor, I feel like an apple! 

We must get to the core of this!

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History teacher: How did the Dark Ages get their name? 

Pupil: From all the Knights! 

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How do birds drink? 

Out of beak-ers! 

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How do electric eels taste? 

Shocking!

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“I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time.” 

― Mary Ann Shaffer

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What is green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Because he had a hole in one.

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Why did the teacher wear sun glasses?

Because the students were very bright!

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"Sections in the bookstore

- Books You Haven't Read

- Books You Needn't Read

- Books Made for Purposes Other Than Reading

- Books Read Even Before You Open Them Since They Belong to the Category of Books Read Before Being Written

- Books That If You Had More Than One Life You Would Certainly Also Read But Unfortunately Your Days Are Numbered

- Books You Mean to Read But There Are Others You Must Read First

- Books Too Expensive Now and You'll Wait 'Til They're Remaindered

- Books ditto When They Come Out in Paperback

- Books You Can Borrow from Somebody

- Books That Everybody's Read So It's As If You Had Read Them, Too

- Books You've Been Planning to Read for Ages

- Books You've Been Hunting for Years Without Success

- Books Dealing with Something You're Working on at the Moment

- Books You Want to Own So They'll Be Handy Just in Case

- Books You Could Put Aside Maybe to Read This Summer

- Books You Need to Go with Other Books on Your Shelves

- Books That Fill You with Sudden, Inexplicable Curiosity, Not Easily Justified

- Books Read Long Ago Which It's Now Time to Re-read

- Books You've Always Pretended to Have Read and Now It's Time to Sit Down and Really Read Them"

Italo Calvino

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"You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

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"Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home."

— Edith Sitwell

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Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!

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You come into this world screaming, naked, and covered with blood. With any luck, things get better.

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