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Ƹ*_*Ʒ. - The Diet
A woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from skipping."
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk!
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What do cats put in their drinks?
Mice cubes!
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