Jokes and stuff

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(*_*) - Texas Cowboy

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. 

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." 

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." 

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. 

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. 

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." 

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. 

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

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Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop? 

She wanted to lay it on the line! 

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Why did the igloo not have a couch? 

So polar bears couldn’t hide behind it!

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Why did the chicken cross the beach? 

To get to the other tide! 

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store? 

To get to the other size!

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? 

To get to the other slide!

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“We're lost, but we're making good time.”

― Yogi Berra

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What’s the difference between a fly and a bird? 

A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird!

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Why did the flies go to Paris? 

Because they wanted to be French flies!

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“When one creates phantoms for oneself, one puts vampires into the world, and one must nourish these children of a voluntary nightmare with one's blood, one's life, one's intelligence, and one's reason, without ever satisfying them”

 Eliphas Levi

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