Jokes and stuff

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Report Card

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet over and read:

PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

I love you!

Your loving daughter,

Rosie

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How do bees brush their hair? 

With a honey comb!

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What do you do with a sick wasp? 

Take it to a waspital!

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

-- Mark Twain

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