Jokes and stuff

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Outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" 

Pa replies, " There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." 

Ma yells back, "Yes there is now git out there and fix it." 

So... Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, " There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!" 

Ma replies "Stick your head in the hole!" 

Pa yell's back "I ain't sticking my head in that hole!" 

Ma says "Ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix." 

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole and looks around and yells back, "Ma there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!" 

Ma hollars back, " Now take your head out of the hole!" 

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, " Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the Toilet seat!" 

To which Ma replies "Hurt's , don't it?!

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Mystery: You are a bus driver. At the first stop of the day, eight people get on board. At the second stop, four get off, and eleven get on. At the third stop, two get off, and six get on. At the fourth stop, thirteen get off, and one gets on. At the fifth stop, five get off, and three get on. At the sixth stop, three get off, and two get on. What color are the bus driver’s eyes? 

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Solution: Whatever color yours are. You’re the bus driver.

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“If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.” 

― Jarod Kintz

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“I never said most of the things I said.”

― Yogi Berra

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Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Abbott!

Abbott who?

Abbott time you opened this door!

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“He wasn't that good looking, he had the social skills of a wet cat and the patience of a caffeinated hummingbird” 

― Karen Chance

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