Jokes and stuff

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

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Yellow Jasper 

  Yellow Jasper aids and protects during all types of spiritual work. It is a companion stone, helping to guide you through these earth experiences and to keep you moving on your life path.

 Yellow Jasper is a wonderful stone to utilize as it will protect and clear the body of environmental toxins and impurities. If you or someone you love is clumsy or accident prone, a gift of Yellow Jasper will help to ease these issues. Carry Yellow Jasper when you need a boost of positive energy to infuse the body, mind and soul. Yellow Jasper is great for protection during spiritual work or physical travel.

 Physically, Yellow Jasper can be used to help cleanse and detoxify the internal organs, including the liver, gall bladder and intestines. Yellow Jasper also helps to strengthen the immune system, relieve nausea and indigestion. Yellow Jasper can also be beneficial to work with if chronic back pain is an issue. As with all Jaspers, Yellow Jasper will also help to absorb pain.

 In general, Jasper is known as the “supreme nurturer”. It sustains and supports during times of stress, and brings tranquility and wholeness. Used in healing, Jasper unifies all aspects of your life. Jasper reminds people to help each other.

Properties for Stone: Yellow Jasper 

Primary Chakra: Solar-Plexus-Chakra 

Crystal System: Trigonal-Crystal-System 

Chemical Composition: SiO2 Silicon Dioxide with various inclusions/impurities 

Astrological Sign: Capricorn, Gemini, Leo 

Numerical Vibration: Number-6 

Hardness: 7-Hardness 

Color: Yellow 

Location: Africa, Brazil, India, Madagascar 

Rarity: Common 

Pronunciation: YELL-oh JAS-per 

Mineral Class: Silicates 

Issues and Ailments (Physical): Colon, Liver, Pain, Stomach, Vomiting 

Issues and Ailments (Emotional): Positive-Energy 

Issues and Ailments (Spiritual): Increasing-Positive-Energy, Protection-during-Spiritual-Work, Psychic-Protection, Reduce-Accidents, Travel-Safety 

Extra Grade: Beautiful mustard yellow color, opaque, < 10% Matrix 

A Grade: Nice mustard yellow color, opaque and/or <25% Matrix 

B Grade: Poor color, opaque and/or >25% Matrix 

Affirmation: I am protected and move safely through my life.

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What is the best way to catch a fish? 

Have someone throw you one! 

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What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? 

A Minnie Van!

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“Embroidery?" I sucked at embroidery. Aunt Hyacinth had tried to teach me, but we'd both given it up as a lost cause. Lucy, strangely, had picked it up really quickly and embroidered a tapestry of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow for my last birthday.” 

― Alyxandra Harvey, My Love Lies Bleeding

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