Jokes and stuff

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(*_*) - Washington Post

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. 

Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative: 

a.. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 

b.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly 

c.. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

d.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 

e.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 

f.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 

g.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 

h.. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 

i.. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 

j.. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 

k.. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 

l.. Glibido: All talk and no action. 

m.. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

n.. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 

o.. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 

p.. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

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Question: Why did Santa run around his bed on Christmas morning? 

Answer: To catch up on his sleep!

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Question: Why did the snowman name his dog Frost? 

Answer: Because Frost bites!

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Question: Where do the three wise men get their robes tailored? 

Answer: Bethle-HEM!

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Question: Why is Santa so good at karate?

Answer: Because he has a black belt!

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Question: What do you get when you cross a peanut with a duck? 

Answer: A nut quacker.

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Question: What do you call Santa’s helpers? 

Answer: Subordinate Clauses.

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