Saturday, December 12, 2020

Jokes and stuff

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Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is." 

— Ellen DeGeneres

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"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." 

— Guillaume Apollinaire

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“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.” 

― Steven Wright

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Which snakes are the best at math? 

Adders!

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Why didn't the igloo have a couch? 

So polar bears couldn’t hide behind it!

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Would You Like to Join...

*The Yoko Club? Oh no.

*The German Philosophy Club? I Kant.

*The Compulsive-Rhymers Club? Okey-dokey.

*The Codependence Club? Can I bring a friend?

*The Procrastinators Club? Maybe next week.

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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Canoe

Canoe who?

Canoe help me with this door?

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Why was the chick disappointed with its life? 

It wasn't all it was cracked up to be! 

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Why was the cow always exercising? 

It wanted to build up its moo-scles! 

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Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? 

He took too long putting his shoes on! 

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Why is it easy to spot Cinderella-fish? 

They have glass flippers!

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MY LIBRARY

by Varda One

It's only a room with shelves and books,

but it's far more magical than it looks

It's a jet on which I soar

to lands that exist no more.

Or a key with which I find

answers to questions crowding my mind.

Building my habit of learning and growing,

asking and researching till I reach knowing.

Here, I've been a mermaid and an elf

I've even learned to be more myself.

I think that I shall never see

a place that's been more useful to me.

With encouraging kind friends with wit

Who tell me to dream big and never quit.

It's only a room with shelves and books,

but it's far more magical than it looks.


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