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"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them."
- Mitch Hedberg
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
- Mitch Hedberg
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only becomes stairs. You wouldn't see a sign say 'Escalator temporarily out of order', only a sign saying 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Mitch Hedberg
"I found out that ducks opinion of me is very much influenced whether or not i have bread."
Mitch Hedberg
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