Jokes and stuff

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Teacher: “Do you listen to your father or your mother more?”

Pupil: “My mother.”

Teacher: “Why?”

Pupil: “Because she talks more.”

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First shepherd: “How many sheep do you have?”

Second shepherd: “I have no idea! Whenever I start to count them, I fall asleep.”

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Two fishes are watching TV. The next show starts, a show on fishing.

The first fish says, “Oh no, they’re playing horror movies again!”

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Baby bear: “Someone has been eating my porridge!”

Daddy bear: “And someone has been eating my porridge!”

Mommy bear: “Wait you two, I haven’t made the porridge yet!”

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Two snails were wandering are slithering through the snow.

First snail, "Let's go pick some blackberries." -

Second snail, "It's winter, there aren't any blackberries." -

First snail "Yeah, but by the time we get to the bushes, it will be summer."

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Why did George Washington sleep standing up?

Because he couldn’t lie!

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Why did the doctor lose his temper?

Because he didn’t have any patients!

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I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
-Steven Wright

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