Jokes of the day

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?

Only one, but the bulb has to WANT to change.

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Gold asks Zinc out on a date but Zinc says "Sorry, I'm Zn someone else"

Gold replies "Awww!"

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What do batman and sixteen sodium atoms have in common?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.

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What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs?

A condescending con ........ descending.

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Question: What is the difference between 'ignorance', 'apathy', and 'ambivalence'?

Personally, I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.

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A bartender says "We don't serve your kind here!

A time traveller walks into a bar.

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How many computer programmers does it take to screw a light bulb?

 I don't know.  It's hard ware.

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A famed linguistic professor is lecturing about negatives in sentence structure.

"A positive and a negative makes a statement negative, while a negative and a negative makes it positive. BUT there is no combination of positives that make a statement negative."
A student in the back replies,

"Yeah, right."

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Is the Glass Empty or Half full?

1/2 water 1/2 air.

Technically The Glass is always full.

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What did the pencil say to the eraser?

Take me to your ruler.

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I'd tell you my joke about neutrinos, but it would go right through you.

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Two nerds were discussing the nature of sexist jokes.

The 1st one said - a blonde, a brunette, and a red head went into a bar.

The 2nd said - that's not funny - it's a tribute to sisterhood and liberation that they felt confident in that situation.

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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

- George Carlin

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