Sookie's Birthday Surprise: August 2017

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Summer Rerun ....

.
.
.
This is a list from a while back but many of these books are still free. Please check the price before clicking "buy".

http://turningkey.blogspot.com/2016/03/free-friday-nook-books-for-april-1.html

.
.
.

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.
.
.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Another Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"
...

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!"
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20."
"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."
"Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."
"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"

.
.
.

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
Doctor, doctor, everywhere I look I see an insect spinning in circles!

It’s just a bug that’s going around!

.
.
.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Joke of the Day ..

.
.
.
(*_*) - Starting that Diet

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.”

.
.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake?

A sing-a-long!
.
.
.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
(^-^) - Short Flight Time

A lady called the airline booking agent to ask how long a flight was from Los Angeles to New York?
The busy agent replied, 'Just a moment.'

The lady replied, 'Thank you,' and then hung up.

.
.
.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Free Friday Selection

.
.
.
Free Friday Selection

Mutation

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mutation-nerys-wheatley/1125382760?ean=2940157174385

.
.
.

Free Books August 25, 2017 ...

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Jokes of the Day ...

.
.
.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
===================
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
======================
What did one cow say to the other?
Mooooooove over!
======================
Why did the cop give a sheep a ticket?
She made an illegal ewe turn
.
.
.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
(*_*) - The Mail Order Diploma Doctor & The Lawyer

A Mail Order Diploma Doctor can't get a job in a Hospital, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside

'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of taste.'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is kerosene.'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.'
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'
Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.'
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: 'My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100.'
Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100!!'
Mail Order Diploma Doctor: 'Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20'

.
.
.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
================
"If television's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up."
— Dorothy Gambrell (Cat and Girl Volume I)
==================
Teacher: What's the formula for water?
Sarah: I know! HIJKLMNO.
Teacher, confused: No, that's not right.
Sarah: But yesterday you said it was H to O.
===================================
The teacher wrote a sentence on the black board. It said, “I ain't had no fun the hole vacation.”
She asked the class, “How should I change this?”
Johnny raised his hand and answered, “Go to the beach.”
.
.
.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Joke of the Day ....

.
.
.
Which Star Wars’ character gradually disappeared?
Darth Fader!
========================
Which planet in the solar system did the alien crash land on?
Splaturn!

.
.
.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Free Classics on Amazon

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
(^_^) - And how well can *you* play?

A man walks into a bar with a large suitcase in one on hand. Tossing it casually up on the bar, he orders a beer.

"What have you got there?" The bartender asks. The man gives him a mean look, opens the suitcase, and pulls out out a tiny replica of a piano. He places it on the bar in front of the bartender. "Well, that's interesting," the bartender says.

"You haven't seen it all." The man snaps, turning back to the suitcase. "Come on, Joe." Out of the suitcase climbs a little man only about a foot tall, who proceeds to sit down at the piano and play several pieces by Chopin flawlessly. The bartender is very much impressed.

"My goodness!" he says. "Where did you find him??"

"Well, I was walking along the beach one day," the man says, as the little man climbs back into the suitcase, "and I came across this really old bottle. So I opened it up. There was a genie inside, and she gave me one wish."

"And that was your wish?" The bartender asks incredulously, pointing to the piano.

"No," the man said. "The genie had been in that bottle for so long she had become hard of hearing. So I didn't get my real wish. And now, for the rest of my life, I'm stuck with this twelve inch pianist."

Friday, August 18, 2017

B&N Free Friday Selection

.
.
.
B&N Free Friday Selection

DAMAGED (The Kate Lange Thriller Series, #1)

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/damaged-pamela-callow/1100345767?ean=2940153177311

.
.
.

Free Books August 18, 2017 ...

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
★☆★
5 Riddles

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.

Answers:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

How did you do?

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Joke of the Day ..

.
.
.

(*_*) - Clever Signs

Sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver :
We will heel you
We will save your sole...
We will even dye for you.

A sign over a Gynecologist's office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

At an Optometrist's office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for...you've come to the right place.'

On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'

On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'

On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'

In a Non-smoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.'

At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet...miss a car payment.'

Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary.
We hear you coming.'

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak.'

.
.
.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Jokes of the Day ...

.
.
.
Teacher: What's the formula for water?
Sarah: I know! HIJKLMNO.
Teacher, confused: No, that's not right.
Sarah: But yesterday you said it was H to O.
===================================
The teacher wrote a sentence on the black board. It said, “I ain't had no fun the hole vacation.”
She asked the class, “How should I change this?”
Johnny raised his hand and answered, “Go to the beach.”

.
.
.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Joke of the Day ...

.
.
.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

.
.
.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Joke of the Days ..

.
.
.
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed and, in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said "Well yeah, if that's what they are I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.

Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey, wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, Officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
.
.
.

Friday, August 11, 2017

B&N Free Friday Selection

.
.
.
Shiftless

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shiftless-aimee-easterling/1121456032?ean=2940151489973

.
.
.

Free Books for August 11, 2017 ....

Followers

Blog Archive

About Me

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Monday, August 28, 2017

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Friday, August 25, 2017

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Monday, August 21, 2017

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Friday, August 18, 2017

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Monday, August 14, 2017

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Friday, August 11, 2017