Joke of the Day ...

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The Marine Drill Instructor noticed a new recruit and barked at him, `Get your butt over here ! What's your name?"


"Steve," the new recruit replied.


"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart hipster bull they're teaching in boot camp today, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the sergeant scowled.  "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my recruits by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker.
I am to be referred to only as `Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"


"Yes, sir, Sergeant!"


"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"


The recruit sighed "Darling, My name is Steve Darling."


"Okay, Steve, here's what I want you to do ....."


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Jokes of the Day ...

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How can whales hear each other miles away?

They use herring aids!

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How can you guarantee straight A's?

Use a ruler!

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Jokes of the Day ...

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Girl: My cat swallowed a ball of wool!

Teacher: Oh no! What happened?

Girl: She had mittens!

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Have you got any holes in your socks?

No!

How do you get your feet in then?

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Headmaster: Why are your eyes crossed?

Teacher: I just can’t control my pupils!

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Science Fact of the Day ....

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Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway. 
~Mary Kay Ash


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Jokes of the Day ....

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How do elephants cheer each other up when they are sick?
With a ‘Get Well-ephant’ card!
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How did the octopus set up camp so quickly?
It was good with tent-acles!
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Doctor, doctor, I can't stop robbing banks!
Just let me take a few notes!


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Pick up lines .... Reeeeee - jected ....

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Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?


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Thought of the day ...

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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
it's about learning to dance in the rain."


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