Joke of the Day ....

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(^_^) - The Importance of Punctuation

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

'Just where do you think you going?' she asked.

'What do you mean?' I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: 'Thanks for putting up with me. So long.'

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Jokes of the Day ....

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How do solar systems hold up their trousers?
With asteroid belts!
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How do Indian and African elephants talk to each other?
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On an elephone!
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How do lady vampires attract male vampires?
They bat their eyelashes!

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Tongue Twister of the Day ....

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A Tongue Twister (I even had a problem reading it, let alone saying it ;-))

Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!

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Joke of the Day ...

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A little boy was in a aunt's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the boy sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

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Joke of the Day ...

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(*_*) - Short Story - A College Writing Test

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The instructions were:

The short story had to contain the following three things:

1.) Religion

2.) Sexuality

3.) Mystery

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.

'Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?'
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Quote of the Day ...

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I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Paul Anderson

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Joke of the Day ...

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(*?*) - Constant Speed
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
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In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Don't ride the Merry Go Round when you are drunk.

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