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(^_^) - Hair Dryer
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!
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Friday, January 8, 2016
Hunka Hunka Burning Love ....
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╰♥.☆.♥╮
Today in Elvis Presley History
1935 - Elvis Aaron Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. His twin brother Jessie Garon was stillborn.
1946 - Elvis Presley received his first guitar from his parents.
1955 - Elvis Presley's third single "Milkcow Blues Boogie" was released.
1956 - Elvis Presley performed at The Louisiana Hayride. He also performed the previous day.
1957 - The Memphis Draft Board announced that Elvis Presley had been classified as A1 and that he would probably be drafted within the next six to eight months.
1959 - Dick Clark, host of American Bandstand, called Elvis in Germany to tell him that he had been voted most popular singer of the year and that his record "King Creole" was the most popular record of the year.
1965 - Hal Wallis agreed to change Elvis Presley's 1958 contract into a five-picture deal. The movies Elvis made under the contract were "Blue Hawaii", "Girls! Girls! Girls!", "Fun In Acapulco", "Roustabout" and "Paradise Hawaiian Style".
1981 - "Elvis Presley Day" was declared in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Kansas, North & South Carolina, Pennsylvania and Virginia.
1993 - The U.S. Postal Service released a stamp of Elvis. The picture used was one of Elvis in the 1950's.
2004 - RCA Records and BMG Strategic Marketing Group with the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced that Elvis Presley had become the best selling solo artist in U.S. history.
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╰♥.☆.♥╮
Today in Elvis Presley History
1935 - Elvis Aaron Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. His twin brother Jessie Garon was stillborn.
1946 - Elvis Presley received his first guitar from his parents.
1955 - Elvis Presley's third single "Milkcow Blues Boogie" was released.
1956 - Elvis Presley performed at The Louisiana Hayride. He also performed the previous day.
1957 - The Memphis Draft Board announced that Elvis Presley had been classified as A1 and that he would probably be drafted within the next six to eight months.
1959 - Dick Clark, host of American Bandstand, called Elvis in Germany to tell him that he had been voted most popular singer of the year and that his record "King Creole" was the most popular record of the year.
1965 - Hal Wallis agreed to change Elvis Presley's 1958 contract into a five-picture deal. The movies Elvis made under the contract were "Blue Hawaii", "Girls! Girls! Girls!", "Fun In Acapulco", "Roustabout" and "Paradise Hawaiian Style".
1981 - "Elvis Presley Day" was declared in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Kansas, North & South Carolina, Pennsylvania and Virginia.
1993 - The U.S. Postal Service released a stamp of Elvis. The picture used was one of Elvis in the 1950's.
2004 - RCA Records and BMG Strategic Marketing Group with the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced that Elvis Presley had become the best selling solo artist in U.S. history.
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Thursday, January 7, 2016
Letter of the Day ...
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Report Card
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet over and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
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Report Card
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet over and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
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Thoughts of the Day ...
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(*_*) - Some of Life's Reflections
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every second one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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(*_*) - Some of Life's Reflections
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every second one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Joke of the Day ...
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh , I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh , I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Great Photo Essay of the Day ...
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http://www.boredpanda.com/101-project/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook
Which one is most like you?
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http://www.boredpanda.com/101-project/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook
Which one is most like you?
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Joke of the Day ...
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An overweight man was standing on the scale weighing himself when his wife came by and said,
"It doesn't do any good to suck your stomach in like that".
He told her, "It does if you if you want to see those numbers."
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An overweight man was standing on the scale weighing himself when his wife came by and said,
"It doesn't do any good to suck your stomach in like that".
He told her, "It does if you if you want to see those numbers."
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