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(^_^) - Do You Trust Your Husband?
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...
For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi, sweetheart," he says. "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.
...........Did you say hello?"
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Friday, December 4, 2015
Joke of the Day ....
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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
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Thursday, December 3, 2015
.Audiobook Recommendation of the Day
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Audiobook Recommendation of the Day
Unfamiliar Fishes – Unabridged
Sarah Vowell (Author, Narrator)
7 hours and 28 minutes
From Amazon -
"Many think of 1776 as the most defining year of American history, the year we became a nation devoted to the pursuit of happiness through self-government. In Unfamiliar Fishes, Sarah Vowell argues that 1898 might be a year just as crucial to our nation's identity, a year when, in an orgy of imperialism, the United States annexed Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Guam, and invaded Cuba and then the Philippines, becoming a meddling, self-serving, militaristic international superpower practically overnight.
Read by the author a cast that includes Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, John Hodgman, Catherine Keener, Edward Norton, Keanu Reeves, Paul Rudd, Maya Rudolph, and John Slattery. Music by Michael Giacchino with Grant Lee-Phillips. The score contains excerpts from "Hawai'i Pono'i" (words by David Kalakaua and music by Henri Berger) performed by Grant-Lee Phillips."
My comments:
I love history, especially when it's rendered so amusing and accessible. There are lessons for current times in this wry look at the past. Never boring, the obvious zealous blind spots of the missionaries are softened by their positive contributions and understandable unquestioning bias. Usually histories of the destruction of native peoples leaves me depressed and saddened, but I have mellowed over the years and Sarah Vowell's retelling of the annexation of Hawaii is not depressing at all.
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Audiobook Recommendation of the Day
Unfamiliar Fishes – Unabridged
Sarah Vowell (Author, Narrator)
7 hours and 28 minutes
From Amazon -
"Many think of 1776 as the most defining year of American history, the year we became a nation devoted to the pursuit of happiness through self-government. In Unfamiliar Fishes, Sarah Vowell argues that 1898 might be a year just as crucial to our nation's identity, a year when, in an orgy of imperialism, the United States annexed Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Guam, and invaded Cuba and then the Philippines, becoming a meddling, self-serving, militaristic international superpower practically overnight.
Read by the author a cast that includes Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, John Hodgman, Catherine Keener, Edward Norton, Keanu Reeves, Paul Rudd, Maya Rudolph, and John Slattery. Music by Michael Giacchino with Grant Lee-Phillips. The score contains excerpts from "Hawai'i Pono'i" (words by David Kalakaua and music by Henri Berger) performed by Grant-Lee Phillips."
My comments:
I love history, especially when it's rendered so amusing and accessible. There are lessons for current times in this wry look at the past. Never boring, the obvious zealous blind spots of the missionaries are softened by their positive contributions and understandable unquestioning bias. Usually histories of the destruction of native peoples leaves me depressed and saddened, but I have mellowed over the years and Sarah Vowell's retelling of the annexation of Hawaii is not depressing at all.
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Joke of the day ....
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4 Catholic ladies are having tea together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him `Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, `Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, `Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2″, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, `Oh my God...'."
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4 Catholic ladies are having tea together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him `Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, `Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, `Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2″, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, `Oh my God...'."
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Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Joke of the Day ....
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies." He responded.
"Oh! Are you killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked ..... "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies." He responded.
"Oh! Are you killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked ..... "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Joke of the Day ...
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(^_^) Klonsky's Shoe Repair in the Bronx
Ira Kaplan hadn't returned to the old neighborhood since he went off to fight in Vietnam.
During a business trip to New York he visits his old neighborhood on Kotler Avenue in the Bronx.
Everything has changed over the years. Where once there was Edelstein's Delicatessen, there is now a McDonald's; where Fleischman's Dry Cleaning (One-Hour Martinizing) used to be, a Korean nail salon and spa now is; where Ginsberg's Department Store was, there is now a Gap.
Nothing is the same, except for the narrow storefront of Klonsky's Shoe Repair, which, dimly lit as ever, is still in business. As Kaplan passes the shop, he recalls (such are the quirks of memory that he does not know how) that just before he was drafted to go off to Vietnam, he had left a pair of shoes with Mr. Klonsky that he never bothered to pick up. Could they, he wonders, possibly still be there?
A small bell tinkles as he enters the dark shop.
Mr. Klonsky, who seemed old 40 years ago, shuffles out from the back.
He is hunched over, wearing a leather apron, one eye all but closed.
"Excuse me, Mr. Klonsky," Kaplan says, "but I used to live in this neighborhood, and 40 years ago I left a pair of shoes with you for repair that I never picked up. Is there any chance you might still have them?"
Klonsky stares at him and, in his strong Eastern European accent, asks, "Vas dey black wingtips?"
"They were indeed," Kaplan only now recalls.
"And you wanted a halve sole, with rubber heels?"
"Yes," says Kaplan. "That's exactly what I wanted."
"And you wanted taps on the heels only?"
"Yes, yes," says Kaplan. "Amazing! Do you still have them?"
Mr. Klonsky looks up at him, with his good eye asquint, and says,
...................."They'll be ready Wednesday."
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(^_^) Klonsky's Shoe Repair in the Bronx
Ira Kaplan hadn't returned to the old neighborhood since he went off to fight in Vietnam.
During a business trip to New York he visits his old neighborhood on Kotler Avenue in the Bronx.
Everything has changed over the years. Where once there was Edelstein's Delicatessen, there is now a McDonald's; where Fleischman's Dry Cleaning (One-Hour Martinizing) used to be, a Korean nail salon and spa now is; where Ginsberg's Department Store was, there is now a Gap.
Nothing is the same, except for the narrow storefront of Klonsky's Shoe Repair, which, dimly lit as ever, is still in business. As Kaplan passes the shop, he recalls (such are the quirks of memory that he does not know how) that just before he was drafted to go off to Vietnam, he had left a pair of shoes with Mr. Klonsky that he never bothered to pick up. Could they, he wonders, possibly still be there?
A small bell tinkles as he enters the dark shop.
Mr. Klonsky, who seemed old 40 years ago, shuffles out from the back.
He is hunched over, wearing a leather apron, one eye all but closed.
"Excuse me, Mr. Klonsky," Kaplan says, "but I used to live in this neighborhood, and 40 years ago I left a pair of shoes with you for repair that I never picked up. Is there any chance you might still have them?"
Klonsky stares at him and, in his strong Eastern European accent, asks, "Vas dey black wingtips?"
"They were indeed," Kaplan only now recalls.
"And you wanted a halve sole, with rubber heels?"
"Yes," says Kaplan. "That's exactly what I wanted."
"And you wanted taps on the heels only?"
"Yes, yes," says Kaplan. "Amazing! Do you still have them?"
Mr. Klonsky looks up at him, with his good eye asquint, and says,
...................."They'll be ready Wednesday."
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Poem of the day ....
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Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening - Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
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Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening - Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
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