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“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
― Terry Pratchett
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Sunday, August 31, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”
― Steven Wright
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“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”
― Steven Wright
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Cosy TV series of the day ....
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Hetty Wainthropp Investigates -
Hetty wakes on her 60th birthday and decides to become a private investigator. With assistance from a teenager called Geoffrey and her husband Robert, combined with her own common sense, Hetty is confident she can solve any case.
Stars: Patricia Routledge, Dominic Monaghan, Derek Benfield
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Hetty Wainthropp Investigates -
Hetty wakes on her 60th birthday and decides to become a private investigator. With assistance from a teenager called Geoffrey and her husband Robert, combined with her own common sense, Hetty is confident she can solve any case.
Stars: Patricia Routledge, Dominic Monaghan, Derek Benfield
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Euphemisms of the day ....
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All the little birdies have flown from his tree.
A few screws short of a hardware store.
A few cards short of a deck.
Two fries short of a Happy Meal.
One sandwich short of a picnic.
A few bricks short of a load.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few watts short of a light bulb.
A few Bradys short of a bunch.
A few pecans short of a fruitcake.
A few bits short of a byte.
An accordion short of a polka band.
A few kernels short of a cob.
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
A few ants short of a picnic.
A few cards short of a deck.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few trucks short of a convoy.
A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac.
As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
As useful as a wooden frying pan.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of rocks.
Elevator doesn't make the top floor.
Fell out of the family tree.
Fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Four quarters short of a dollar.
Goes surfing in Nebraska.
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons.
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
He played too much football without a helmet.
He's got a leak in his think-tank.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's so dense light bends around him.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
His cheese has slipped off his cracker.
His porch light ain't on.
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders.
Knitting with only one needle.
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needs a few screws tightened.
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box.
Nutty as a fruitcake.
On/off switch is stuck in the off position.
One Fruit Loop shy of a bowl.
One wave short of a shipwreck.
Requires directions to lay sod.
Running about a quart low.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are on, but no one's home.
The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead.
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window.
Too many yards between the goal posts.
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.
A french fry short of a Happy Meal
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
The bees are buzzing, but the flower ain't in bloom.
Dumber than a bag of hammers
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He has a few empty boxcars on his train of thought
Ten pounds of crazy in a five pound sack.
It takes him an hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
His biscuits ain't quite done (Immediately followed by "Bless his heart.")
He's got toys in the attic
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train's not coming.
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All the little birdies have flown from his tree.
A few screws short of a hardware store.
A few cards short of a deck.
Two fries short of a Happy Meal.
One sandwich short of a picnic.
A few bricks short of a load.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few watts short of a light bulb.
A few Bradys short of a bunch.
A few pecans short of a fruitcake.
A few bits short of a byte.
An accordion short of a polka band.
A few kernels short of a cob.
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
A few ants short of a picnic.
A few cards short of a deck.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few trucks short of a convoy.
A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac.
As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
As useful as a wooden frying pan.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of rocks.
Elevator doesn't make the top floor.
Fell out of the family tree.
Fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Four quarters short of a dollar.
Goes surfing in Nebraska.
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons.
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
He played too much football without a helmet.
He's got a leak in his think-tank.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's so dense light bends around him.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
His cheese has slipped off his cracker.
His porch light ain't on.
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders.
Knitting with only one needle.
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needs a few screws tightened.
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box.
Nutty as a fruitcake.
On/off switch is stuck in the off position.
One Fruit Loop shy of a bowl.
One wave short of a shipwreck.
Requires directions to lay sod.
Running about a quart low.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are on, but no one's home.
The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead.
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window.
Too many yards between the goal posts.
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.
A french fry short of a Happy Meal
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
The bees are buzzing, but the flower ain't in bloom.
Dumber than a bag of hammers
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He has a few empty boxcars on his train of thought
Ten pounds of crazy in a five pound sack.
It takes him an hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
His biscuits ain't quite done (Immediately followed by "Bless his heart.")
He's got toys in the attic
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train's not coming.
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Shakespeare Joke of the Day .....
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Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"
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Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"
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Saturday, August 30, 2014
Good Advice of the Day ....
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“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
― Groucho Marx
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“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
― Groucho Marx
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Joke of the Day ....
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive"
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive"
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Friday, August 29, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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"If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week."
— Charles Darwin (The Autobiography of Charles Darwin, 1809–82)
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"If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week."
— Charles Darwin (The Autobiography of Charles Darwin, 1809–82)
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.List of Alfred Hitchcock cameo appearances
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List of Alfred Hitchcock cameo appearances
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Alfred_Hitchcock_cameo_appearances
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List of Alfred Hitchcock cameo appearances
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Alfred_Hitchcock_cameo_appearances
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Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?”
― Steven Wright
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“When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?”
― Steven Wright
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ....
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"You never know which people will affect your life."
— Sue Grafton (D is for Deadbeat)
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"You never know which people will affect your life."
— Sue Grafton (D is for Deadbeat)
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Joke of the Day ....
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Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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Thursday, August 28, 2014
.Funny Look Alikes Video of the Day ...
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Funny Look Alikes Video of the Day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soH4MdGsmnM&list=FLh0_F5kJyIxrHZOjm69KYig&index=9
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Funny Look Alikes Video of the Day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soH4MdGsmnM&list=FLh0_F5kJyIxrHZOjm69KYig&index=9
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Quote of the day .....
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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Dave Barry
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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Dave Barry
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Observation of the day ....
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“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
― Dorothy Parker
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“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
― Dorothy Parker
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ....
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"Pretending to be 'normal' is a lot harder than you think."
— Sue Grafton (F is for Fugitive)
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"Pretending to be 'normal' is a lot harder than you think."
— Sue Grafton (F is for Fugitive)
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Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Insight of the Day ....
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"The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position."
— Leo Buscaglia
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"The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position."
— Leo Buscaglia
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Quote of the Day ....
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"If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."
— Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)
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"If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."
— Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)
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Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
― Steven Wright
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“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
― Steven Wright
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Sue Grafton quote of the day ...
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"All of us are subjected to somebody else's power at some point. So once in a while you have to kiss up to someone. So what? Either you make your peace with that early, or you end up living your life as a crank and a misfit."
— Sue Grafton
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"All of us are subjected to somebody else's power at some point. So once in a while you have to kiss up to someone. So what? Either you make your peace with that early, or you end up living your life as a crank and a misfit."
— Sue Grafton
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Tuesday, August 26, 2014
.ASMR Minecraft Video of the Day (use headphones or earbuds) ....
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ASMR Minecraft Video of the Day (use headphones or earbuds) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RokIja_gA6s
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ASMR Minecraft Video of the Day (use headphones or earbuds) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RokIja_gA6s
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.ASMR video of the day .... (use headphones or ear buds) .....
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ASMR video of the day .... (use headphones or ear buds)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJ4znyNIM8
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ASMR video of the day .... (use headphones or ear buds)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJ4znyNIM8
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Quote of the day ....
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"I'm going to enjoy every second, and I'm going to know I'm enjoying it while I'm enjoying it."
— Jean Webster
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"I'm going to enjoy every second, and I'm going to know I'm enjoying it while I'm enjoying it."
— Jean Webster
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Monday, August 25, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."
— Bruce Lee
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"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."
— Bruce Lee
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ....
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"Everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean there's a point."
— Sue Grafton (C is for Corpse)
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"Everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean there's a point."
— Sue Grafton (C is for Corpse)
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Jokes of the day ....
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What's the longest piece of furniture in the world?
The multiplication table.
What's the biggest room in the world?
The room for improvement.
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What's the longest piece of furniture in the world?
The multiplication table.
What's the biggest room in the world?
The room for improvement.
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Sunday, August 24, 2014
Second long of the day ...
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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible! ," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman says, " Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label
It says..
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."
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The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible! ," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman says, " Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label
It says..
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."
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Long joke of the day ...
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F*** him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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Saturday, August 23, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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"A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said. "
— Brian Andreas
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"A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said. "
— Brian Andreas
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Steven Wright Quote of the Day ...
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“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”
― Steven Wright
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“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”
― Steven Wright
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ...
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"There's a certain class of people who will do you in and then remain completely mystified by the depth of your pain."
— Sue Grafton (E is for Evidence )
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"There's a certain class of people who will do you in and then remain completely mystified by the depth of your pain."
— Sue Grafton (E is for Evidence )
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Friday, August 22, 2014
Quote of the Day ....
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“Along the way [Mozart] got married; fathered seven children (two of whom survived into adulthood); performed as a pianist; violinist; and conductor; maintained a successful teaching studio; wrote thousands of letters; traveled widely; attended the theater religiously; played cards, billiards, and bocce; and rode horseback for exercise. Not bad for someone portrayed as a giggling idiot in the movies.”
― Robert Greenberg, How to Listen to and Understand Great Music
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“Along the way [Mozart] got married; fathered seven children (two of whom survived into adulthood); performed as a pianist; violinist; and conductor; maintained a successful teaching studio; wrote thousands of letters; traveled widely; attended the theater religiously; played cards, billiards, and bocce; and rode horseback for exercise. Not bad for someone portrayed as a giggling idiot in the movies.”
― Robert Greenberg, How to Listen to and Understand Great Music
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ...
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"You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change."
— Sue Grafton (T is for Trespass)
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"You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change."
— Sue Grafton (T is for Trespass)
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Joke of the day ....
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
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Chestnut of the day .....
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A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."
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A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."
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Thursday, August 21, 2014
.Movie recommendation of the day ...
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Movie recommendation of the day ...
Mrs. Ashboro's Cat (2004) (TV Movie) (aka "Ghost Cat" )
Wes Merritt and his daughter Natalie (14) get more than they bargained for when they buy an old house that was formerly inhabited by the nice old Mrs. Ashboro and her pet cat, Margaret. When strange things start happening in the house, all fingers point to the presence of Margaret, who died the same day as Mrs. Ashboro. But why has she come back to haunt them?
Very good movie with wonderful acting, engaging plot and something the whole family can enjoy together.
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Movie recommendation of the day ...
Mrs. Ashboro's Cat (2004) (TV Movie) (aka "Ghost Cat" )
Wes Merritt and his daughter Natalie (14) get more than they bargained for when they buy an old house that was formerly inhabited by the nice old Mrs. Ashboro and her pet cat, Margaret. When strange things start happening in the house, all fingers point to the presence of Margaret, who died the same day as Mrs. Ashboro. But why has she come back to haunt them?
Very good movie with wonderful acting, engaging plot and something the whole family can enjoy together.
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Sue Grafton Quote of the Day ....
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"Ghosts don't haunt us. That's not how it works. They're present among us because we won't let go of them."
— Sue Grafton (M is for Malice)
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"Ghosts don't haunt us. That's not how it works. They're present among us because we won't let go of them."
— Sue Grafton (M is for Malice)
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Thought of the Day ....
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"I read a book one day and my whole life was changed."
— Orhan Pamuk
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"I read a book one day and my whole life was changed."
— Orhan Pamuk
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Quote of the day ....
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"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."
— C.S. Lewis
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"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."
— C.S. Lewis
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Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Positive thought of the day ....
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"The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down."
— Stephen Richards
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"The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down."
— Stephen Richards
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Steven Wright Quote of the Day ....
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“I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.”
― Steven Wright
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“I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.”
― Steven Wright
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Pun of the Day ....
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Have you got bills to pay? If you do, please give it back. He looks silly bald.
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Have you got bills to pay? If you do, please give it back. He looks silly bald.
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Joke of the Day ....
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There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
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There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Joke of the day ....
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I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
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I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
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Monday, August 18, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Pun of the day .....
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What do you get if you fire a bullet into a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree.
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What do you get if you fire a bullet into a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree.
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Saturday, August 16, 2014
Fourth knock knock joke of the day ...
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Impatient chicken ..
Q: Impa...
A: BUCKAWK!
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Impatient chicken ..
Q: Impa...
A: BUCKAWK!
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Third knock knock joke of the day ....
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Little Old Lady
Q: Little Old Lady who?
A: I didn't know you could yodel
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Little Old Lady
Q: Little Old Lady who?
A: I didn't know you could yodel
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Second knock knock joke of the day ....
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Anita
Q: Anita who?
A: Anita drink of water
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Anita
Q: Anita who?
A: Anita drink of water
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Knock knock joke of the day ...
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Lettuce
Q: Lettuce who?
A: Lettuce in, it's freezing out here..
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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Lettuce
Q: Lettuce who?
A: Lettuce in, it's freezing out here..
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Trick of the day ....
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A magician was driving down the road.....
then he turned into a drive way.
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A magician was driving down the road.....
then he turned into a drive way.
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Joke of the day .....
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The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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Friday, August 15, 2014
Groaner of the Day ....
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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Question of the day ....
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What would you get if you crossed an electric eel with a sponge?
A shock absorber.
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What would you get if you crossed an electric eel with a sponge?
A shock absorber.
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Joke of the day .....
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What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.
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What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.
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Thursday, August 14, 2014
Quote of the day !!!!! .....
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“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
― Terry Pratchett
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“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
― Terry Pratchett
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Question of the day ....
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“If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?”
― Steven Wright
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“If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?”
― Steven Wright
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Uplifting thought of the day ....
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"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."
— ThÃch Nhất Hạnh
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"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."
— ThÃch Nhất Hạnh
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Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Uplifting thought of the day ...
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"Finding the center of strength within ourselves is in the long run the best contribution we can make to our fellow human beings. ... One person with indigenous inner strength exercises a great calming effect on panic among people around them. This is what our society needs — not new ideas and inventions; important as these are, and not geniuses and super humans, but persons who can "be", that is, persons who have a center of strength within themselves."
— Rollo May
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"Finding the center of strength within ourselves is in the long run the best contribution we can make to our fellow human beings. ... One person with indigenous inner strength exercises a great calming effect on panic among people around them. This is what our society needs — not new ideas and inventions; important as these are, and not geniuses and super humans, but persons who can "be", that is, persons who have a center of strength within themselves."
— Rollo May
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Quote of the day ....
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"if
the ocean
can calm itself,
so can you.
we
are both
salt water
mixed with
air."
— Nayyirah Waheed
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"if
the ocean
can calm itself,
so can you.
we
are both
salt water
mixed with
air."
— Nayyirah Waheed
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Riddle of the day .....
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What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
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What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
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Chestnut of the day ....
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Joke of the day ....
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“I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.”
― Steven Wright
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“I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.”
― Steven Wright
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Quote of the day ...
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“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
― Christopher Paolini
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“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
― Christopher Paolini
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Thought of the day .....
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“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger
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“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger
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Monday, August 11, 2014
.Ghost video of the day . . .
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Ghost video of the day (warning, bad word at 2:27 so you might want to turn off the sound) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTqkZuKhA04
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Ghost video of the day (warning, bad word at 2:27 so you might want to turn off the sound) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTqkZuKhA04
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Quote of the day ...
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"Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in your life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for. You have to make a start, and then the law of attraction will receive those grateful thoughts and give you more just like them."
— Rhonda Byrne
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"Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in your life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for. You have to make a start, and then the law of attraction will receive those grateful thoughts and give you more just like them."
— Rhonda Byrne
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Chestnut of the day ...
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If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.
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If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.
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Joke of the day....
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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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Sunday, August 10, 2014
Quote of the day ...
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“Truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside to be realized.”
― Osho
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“Truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside to be realized.”
― Osho
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Uplifting thought of the day ..
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"Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!"
— Steve Maraboli
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"Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!"
— Steve Maraboli
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Joke of the day ...
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A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
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A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
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Saturday, August 9, 2014
Joke of the day ....
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Friday, August 8, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.”
― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks
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“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.”
― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks
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Thought of the day ...
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"I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy person. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now."
— Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
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"I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy person. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now."
— Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
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Joke of the day ...
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What do you call a cow who gives no milk? A milk dud (or an udder failure).
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What do you call a cow who gives no milk? A milk dud (or an udder failure).
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Thursday, August 7, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.”
― Steven Wright
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“Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.”
― Steven Wright
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Quote of the day ....
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"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."
— Jarod Kintz
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"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."
— Jarod Kintz
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Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Quote of the day ...
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"When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
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"When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
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Thought of the day ...
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"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
— Epicurus
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"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
— Epicurus
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Joke of the day ...
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Chestnut of the day ....
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What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
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What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
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Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Uplifting thought of the day ...
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"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'Well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."
— Maya Angelou
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.
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.
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"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'Well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."
— Maya Angelou
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Quote of the day .....
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.
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"A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men."
— Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator)
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"A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men."
— Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator)
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Chestnut of the day ...
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What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
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What did the painter say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
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Monday, August 4, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."
— Marie Curie
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"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."
— Marie Curie
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Sunday, August 3, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”
― Steven Wright
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“I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”
― Steven Wright
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Quote of the day ....
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"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
— Guillaume Apollinaire
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"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
— Guillaume Apollinaire
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Joke of the day .....
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Saturday, August 2, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ...
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“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”
― Steven Wright
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“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”
― Steven Wright
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Quote of the day ....
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"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours"
— Alan Bennett
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"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours"
— Alan Bennett
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Friday, August 1, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ...
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“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
― Steven Wright
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“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
― Steven Wright
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Encouraging words of the day ....
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"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life."
— Joel Osteen
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"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life."
— Joel Osteen
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Quote of the day ...
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"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric."
— Bertrand Russell
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"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric."
— Bertrand Russell
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Joke of the day ...
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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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